John Keats once wrote, "Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard are sweeter." Through this metaphor for love, he explains that although our words can be so beautiful, those indescribable and unheard feelings are so much more intense. I am personally horrible with my words. I can never seem to grasp my thoughts, mold them into a complete sentence, and get it out of my crowded brain in time. I usually lose the thought in frustration, or say something completely warped. Although Keats meant this line to be a metaphor for pure and unreflective love, I, never having been in love, interpret it as referring to thoughts in general. Judging by the many vapid conversations I seem to have these days, one would assume that my mind follows a similar trite pattern; however, this is not the case. I am cursed with a teeming brain (another John Keats reference). From the moment I wake up, until the moment I manage to fall asleep, my mind is constantly racing with ideas. Ideas of love, faith, the future, relationships, right and wrong, life, and, my greatest challenge, emotions. I am so beyond indecisive that, for a vast majority of the time, I honestly don't even know how I feel about things. Do you ever just stop and think "What do I REALLY feel right now?" It seriously seems ludicrous to me, but I find myself asking that question far too often. I guess I'm not "in touch with my emotions" or some bullshit like that. However, it is comforting to be certain of one thing - my emotions are there. And thank God for them. I could not imagine going through life without thoughts or feelings. Obviously, they annoy the hell out of me and constantly get me into trouble, but without them, it would mean sheer apathy.
Apathy is one of my biggest fears. To wake up one day, and feel nothing. To find myself in a relationship where the kisses leave me empty. To listen to a joke and feel no laughter bubbling inside of me. To watch a friend cry and feel no reflection of their pain. I want my life, wherever it may lead me, to be filled with love and happiness, just like everyone else I'm sure. But the strange thing is that I would rather wake up hurt, or upset, or heartbroken, then wake up feeling nothing at all.
The reason I am making this blog is to channel these thoughts, these unheard melodies. I am attempting to get them on to paper, or cyber space, whatever, and hopefully reduce the traffic in my brain. I'm fully aware that I am nowhere near as profound as John Keats, and feel somewhat like a tool using him in this blog. However, this is my inspiration. His simple 9-word quote has truly touched me. I hope it will touch you as well, and perhaps inspire you to consider the mind of another. For example, if someone tells you they care about you, yes he may very well be a lying scumbag, but he also may feel something that is amplified 100 more times than his words. And if your ever frustrated about not being able to get the right words out, or not being able to know what someone is feeling, consider this. The fact that raw feelings can't be verbalized makes them that much more beautiful. This keeps them sacred. Imagine if everyone could verbalize their love, or hatred, or passion. If they were capable of doing so, they would, therefore, be capable of lying about said emotions. And that's almost as bad as feeling nothing at all.
"Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard are sweeter."
- John Keats
